Phateka's Story

Phateka was 30 weeks pregnant when her world fell apart. She lost her baby. There were no medical reasons why he had died. The weeks that followed were filled with deep sadness, anger to all other mothers carrying babies, fear of getting pregnant again, fear that something was wrong with her.

Phateka wasn’t able to sleep and when she did fall asleep she had bad dreams. She noticed she was eating a lot trying to take her pain and suffering away.

No one understood how she felt, not even her mother. She felt very alone and she was sinking into a deep dark hole.

Just when things were really bad she received a SMS from a woman who was unaware of her loss, asking for help. Phateka liked this lady so said, “Yes! She would help.” She felt a little uplifted by someone needing her. As if the big black cloud over her had lifted a wee bit. This was her first day leaving her house after a week. The sun felt good on back as she walked to the old lady’s home.

After moving the lady’s furniture around her house to make room for a family member coming to stay, the lady asked Phateka why she looked so sad. Phateka hesitated at first, but feeling safe, she slowly told her story. Sharing her story and truly being listened to, she felt the black heavy cloud starting to lift even more.

Her friend then told her she had also lost a newborn when she was young. She had experienced the same feelings and what had helped her to recover was looking at the flowers. She realized that the flowers were as perfect as her little girl who had died two hours after her birth. To this very day when she looks at a flower she remembers her. The old woman said it was their way of sharing their love with each other, even though this happened 26 years ago.

That night Phateka was able to fall asleep easily. The next morning it felt like the sun was shining everywhere. She decided that she was going to help others in honor of her little boy whose life was too short, but who loved his mommy and who helped her to reach out and help others in need.

You will have a day filled with sunshine. Allow yourself to feel all the feelings -  this is normal. Be patient with yourself and partner; cry all the tears which will help wash the pain away. There will be a time when you too can find that flower or person willing to listen. Perhaps write a letter to your baby telling him or her how you feel. Start a garden, anything in honor of your child. In so doing then your baby’s life is never really lost. This is a very intimate relationship between you and your baby. Respect and trust - you will heal and find hope.