Is There a Right Way To Grieve?

No, there is really no right or wrong way to grieve. Each person does it in their own way. Plus there is no real time frame for bereavement. For some women, they may grieve along with their partners while others need to find a friend or counselor to share their sorrow with. Don’t be surprised if your own mother does not really understand your pain, especially if she has never experienced the loss of a baby. Weathering this storm alone can make your road to recovery long and very lonely if you have no one to give you an empathetic ear. Friends may not know what to say or perhaps will offer you their sympathy but quickly change the subject. They fear that your pain will stir up their own pain so they will push you away at arm’s length.

There is a rainbow after such a horrific clash of birth and death. Recovery and rebalance will occur. Let me share my road to recovery. For me writing my story down in longhand, letting each and every feeling surface, reliving the whole event, expressing my anger to whoever and putting this all down on paper meant I had gotten it out of my system for that day. I wrote tirelessly not caring about my spelling let alone my grammar or the profanity used. This writing was for no one else to read and I certainly did not read it again, in fact I tore the paper up and threw it away. Each morning I had to almost force myself to do this exercise but I soon found that it got easier. Flushing out all the confusion, anger, “what if?” questions that were going on in my head actually left me feeling better. Slowly the crazy storm within changed to what eventually became a ray of sunlight. I felt there was hope.

I invite you to do same or to find something similar that works for you. Pick up a pencil and draw what you are feeling. Don’t draw realistically, but instead do an abstract drawing. Again in this way you are getting your feelings up and out on paper, but holding onto them.

Walking, swimming or hiking, especially in nature, can be very helpful. Water is cleansing. If you are close to the ocean go swimming.

We know too that telling our stories can be helpful. Please let us hear your story for others to read. You will be reaching out helping a fellow friend heal during her loss as well as assisting yourself along your journey. Sharing is about caring for yourself and others. We are all here feeling each other’s pain and trying to find peace and tranquility. In sharing we are made aware that we are not alone on this unchartered wild ride through pain and suffering. And in the end there will be normality.