Children feeling the loss of a sibling (toddler)

On one hand young children are able to bounce right back after hearing that the little brother or sister will not be coming home. They are far more accepting of the cycle of life than most adults. It has been my experience to always answer the kid’s questions with a truthful and simple answer. Death is all part of our daily lives. Maybe a pet has died so this experience can be used to help explain what has happened to the baby who never comes home. How did you deal with this death of your pet? Can you perhaps improve the way you dealt with it as regards talking to your child? Remember keep it simple and truthful.

A client told me how she explained to her 3 year old that his little sibling was living on a star when she was asked where the baby was. This is not a hundred percent true but it is a tangible answer for a three year old to grasp. And in essence the deceased baby’s soul is out there somewhere. This satisfied the youngster who immediately went out to find a star and so every night before going to bed he had to find the star and say goodnight to the little one. The mother paid special attention to her son while he did this and she found doing this activity gave her some joy and relief through her suffering. So children can help parents in the healing process if they pay attention.

On the other hand do not under estimate how much the toddler/child understands or does not understand. If you miss any queues about the child’s lack of understanding of death he or she may bury the pain of death which may then fester until such time this child experiences another death when it will then surface. Rule of thumb pay attention, tell the truth, keep it simple, take queues from your child and notice also how you are dealing with the situation.

The loss of your baby will give you an opportunity to introduce your youngster to the one thing we all know for certain – we will all die and everyone is touched by death throughout life. I remember clearly how my mother helped me at a young age understand death and work through my grief when two of my aunts died. Plus observing how my mother handled her grieving helped me along my journey of better understanding death and dying.